Step away & come back
This is the story about how I broke my foot and refound my love and appreciation for my yoga practice, and a new approach to teaching.
Just like with any other relationships this particular relationship (practice - practitioner) has it's ups and downs. I've observed over the past years that my own relationship to the practice gives me a platform to be upset, happy, steady, agitated, crazed, calm, gentle, hard, unsteady, hurt, healed...you name it. I experience all sorts of emotions towards it and through it. In return she - the practice- just stands there as a mirror, and in that steadiness it provides me with, that rooting that grounding, I see myself grow. I work out my doubts, my fears, my hopes. Even my projects; I sit with them and as I practice I notice them find their place. Whatever I come to the practice with gets resolved over time. I don't have to give it much thought. It's like planting a seed and patiently watching it grow and turn into something. There's no ego in the practice, there's no judgement, no feedback. It's just what it is: a challange, a pleasure, sometimes even a drag. But by commiting to it no matter what it commits to you. If there is one thing, perhaps the only thing I am certain of in my life, is that I can always rely on her.
Let me share with you why I feel so certain. This summer I started to doubt my relationship to the asana and teaching practice, to wonder if it was right for my body to be challenged so much - physically, mentally and emotionally. I felt sick most of the summer and spring getting up at 5 am and leading a personal life. I felt tired trying to keep up my hobbies and such a rigorous practice and crazy teaching hours. I wondered if it was right for my body to be doing such intense forms of asana. I took a few weeks off to see how it would feel. And how it would feel to come back. I missed it, I had a great time but things started to loose purpose and shine, I started to get lots of confusion around my choices. My digestion changed, my cycle dwindled. There were lots of positive things too but I chose to see how I could adapt the practice so that I could maintain the positive things I found in my 2 weeks of time off.
I now come to my practice with more ease, less fire and expectaion of what it should look like. I listen to my body and let it guide me. I no longer hold a schedule for it, I know everyday I will continue to come to the mat and every day I will go through the routine, but how much of it or how long it will take me...that I don't know. Stepping into it with that mentality always ends up being me doing my full practice. I've also made sure to do less when I teach but with more attention and focus, so that my students also have a chance to work hard and figure it out for themselves just like my teacher has done with me all these years. I make sure to take time off away from the practice once or twice a week and enjoy outdoor time, quality time with friends and make sure to cultivate the things that I love to do.
We can have it all if we let go of how we think it should be.
That being said my friend Maria and I are taking 20 of you to puerto rico for some yoga, cooking and surfing on the beach. Who's in? Space is limited and time is short! Email me now if you wanna come with!