I was tending to my garden this weekend and I realized this growing sense of discomfort growing inside of me. All kinds of things got in the way of me being able to repot a plant into the ground. Poison ivy, weeds, roots underground, rocks...As I was cleaning up this chaos to prepare the ground for the flowers, I realized this sense of frustration and discomfort taking over and reminded myself that this is part of tending to the garden, it's a process, this was part of the task which I did not take into consideration because I knew it was an uncomfortable situation. The mistake I made was to walk into the action thinking about the end result, rather then foreseeing having to deal with discomfort and chaos enticed in the process. When we focus on the end goal, rather then widening the lense to see the whole picture, the process that eventually gives you a result, we are bound to be disappointed and suffer.
Existing in a human form means learning to be in a constant process. We are by nature a goal oriented species. We love to set goals, expectations, intentions, want the fruits of our actions immediately, ask for things to be given to us...ect. It's important to be very mindful and honest with what intention we put in our sadhana. It's good to arrive and ask yourself 'Am I trying to get something selfish out of this? Am I asking for something in return? Or am I selflessly placing myself in a state of openness, ready to surrender to a process, that will lead me where I need to be?' Sadhana should be a selfless action, Karma yoga, or actions that will not bind you to more action but rather unbind you from future action. It's a process, and it is in the daily commitment that the unbinding slowly happens.
The mind is always ready to generate thoughts such as ‘I'll be disciplined because I want to achieve this other thing’- it's easy for an 'I want’ to creep into your spiritual practice. The ultimate idea of practice is for our lives to be a spiritual practice or an expression of our sadhana, each action a communion with the divine - or a lifestyle where harm to oneself or another is reduced or absent, where each action is done with attention and mindfulness - for this to happen it is necessary to pay attention to what our intentions are behind our actions.
Sadhana is a process. It's purposefully made to be a process so as to teach us that life is a process, so that when you are out there struggling being stuck in the chaotic uncomfortable middle, unable to see the end, you can still feel stable and steady within your mind.
I write about this because being in the process is for me one of the thoughts challenges, and I think I may not be the only one out there ;). Being ok with any process of any journey you embark on, is a big commitment. Relationships, in terms of you in relationship to another or to a situation, are about the journey not the destination. To recognize when you feel discomfort, overwhelming chaos, disappointment or the feeling of being stuck, is the first step to recognize you are in the process of something, and it's going to be ok. Find resiliency. There is noway around it just through it.
Join me on Retreat this 2019/2020 season:
Upstate Ny Fall Retreat
Yoga, Ayurveda and Gourmet eats!
Puerto Rico Winter Retreat